How can I be sad when it's holiday now.






Maybe it's because my mom just scolded me for being at home whole day, yet not helping out with housework.
Maybe it's because I feel useless and helpless, not knowing exactly what to do next in life to achieve something close to my dream.
Maybe it's because I feel I'm too old to complete what I dreamt about.
Maybe it's because I am not doing anything my maximum best (as much as i could) towards it.
Maybe it's because I do know I am completely capable of doing but just lack the courage and missed the perfect timing.
Maybe it's because the choice of going to NUS is not the right choice.
Maybe... This is not a maybe. It's because that E is going to the complete opposite place and be away for three years.

This is a scary thought.
I am truly happy for him. I am. I admire his courage to chase his dreams and just move towards it. I am in fact envy that he can go to the place and do something I yearned to do but couldn't myself. I wish I can be like him too. Maybe I asked for too much.
But I am still really proud and glad for him. I hope he'll return home and make himself proud. I hope he will not forget me.
And at the same time I do not know what lies ahead for me. I hope it's good. I want to make myself proud too.

I am happy for him and at the same time sad for myself.
It is bittersweet.



I know this post sounds entirely childish and makes me seem like idkwatever...but this is what my heart really says.