I wrote this to my "Helpline" WhatsApp chat group of girlfriends today.

"
Waaa eh actually now and then sometimes I still suddenly reminded of and feel guilty for ditching my ex -_-"

Cos sometimes will see fb then see those common friends then start thinking... and have so many common friends. Not even seeing him or anything. Just like my poly mates

Maybe aso cos I feel embarrassed to meet any poly friends after the break up. And even when they have meet ups they never did call me also ba. Hahahahaha of cos theoretically if they have to choose between my ex or I. My ex is a much better person to meet cos, prestige.

Not that I'm sad or what they didn't call me. But I feel embarrass and guilty whenever I see my classmates or common friends

Waa it's tough to not feel guilty man..... I've come to reasoning some kind of reactions... or emotional response from past experiences.

1. Sometimes (me la) you will forgive a person who breaks up w you to cheat when you see the person genuinely happy with another person and hopefully married. (So it seems that breaking up is worth it)

2. I think I'll only ever get happy and truly live without guilt when I see the ex I broke up with, have a new girlfriend and happily together (and hopefully marry)

LOLOL sorry. Suddenly long messages burst of emotion. Wonder if it's pms... yet it's not here -_-"

Anw so a word to you girls (or girl...since only applies to cpt for now)

Rushing into a r/s soon after your BF cheating on you. Only makes him feel better not worse.

Cos "oh well I broke up with her but she so fast find a new BF. Wow what the hell, she wins. (Ok cool I no need to feel guilty anymore"

I think letting them live with guilt is a worse feeling than knowing you have soon moved on and found a new person to love....

But maybe is just cos I'm naturally "soft" so idk if it makes sense to all people...

Haha ok done ranting. Have a good weekend :D
"



Seriously. I do not know how long I will love with this guilt for. I did not actually cheat. But I guess making him a "just in case" / "until I find a better one" and hanging on to him  is a really bad thing to do...damn I'm such a bad person. :(
But I have to break it. I now live happier, and everything finally feels right,  although with a deep guilt. I seriously hope he finds a good person for himself.

All the best to everyone out there. 😊